Waking up in the dream
An Inner Frontier essay.
I wake up again with a heavy feeling in my chest. I'm not sure what time it is or where I am. It's like that when I wake up abruptly, as if a dream had turned into a nightmare in the blink of an eye. I grope around, looking for the time on my cell phone: 3am.
I lay my head back on the pillow and fragments of the dream begin to pop up, like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that is never complete. Once again I find myself barefoot, vulnerable, walking through unknown terrain, aimless and unprotected. Scenes that have been repeated over the last few months, as if my mind were trying to tell me something that I still can't decipher. But I don't look for interpretations and I don't try to decode the symbols. I've never given much thought to dreams anyway and I'm not going to start today.
As the involuntary protagonist of these dreams, I dive in and live the scenes without realising that I'm suspended in another dimension. During the dream, the illusion is just as real as the reality I'm experiencing now. Waking up brings relief, but also a peculiar unease: where does the dream end and reality begin? In the first few moments after opening my eyes, everything seems to be part of a single experience. There's no clear distinction between what was a dream and what was waking up. Gradually, the scenery around me reveals itself: the room, the bed, the silence of the early morning. And then I localise myself, as if I were once again inhabiting a body that had been forgotten.
But then I start another dream - that of waking Consciousness. In it, and because of my confused and ethereal awakening, I clearly realise that there is no separation between me and my surroundings. The external world and the internal world are not two, but one. I sail peacefully in this expansive Presence that embraces everything, that permeates every atom, every thought, every breath. In this state, the pressure for results at work or the search for a ‘better’ version of myself dissolve, they are what they always were, illusions. There is no finish line to cross, because I am already the fullest expression of myself. There's nothing to look for outside that isn't already part of me. This realisation brings lightness, even when I know I need to play the social game in this sleeping world. And we all do.
I work, I relate, I fulfil obligations, but without falling into the illusion of separation and independence. I know deep down that everything is interconnected, that every action, every word, every thought reverberates throughout the whole. This awareness doesn't exempt me from participating in the world, from its joys and tragedies, inducing me to feel nihilistic towards life; on the contrary, it allows me to live with a new perspective. No longer as an isolated, independent individual struggling for survival or recognition, but as a unique expression of a single Consciousness that manifests itself in the unique experiences of more than 8 billion forms.
The heaviness in my chest that I feel when I wake up is then transformed. It doesn't disappear, but is integrated into a broader understanding. It is no longer a nuisance, but a subtle reminder of the impermanence and fluidity of all things. And so, even in the densest and most tense hours, I focus my attention on non-duality, knowing that, in the end, everything is part of the same Awakened Presence that I caught a glimpse of a few years ago. And I've never stopped pointing it out every chance I get. The dream and the waking, the self and the other, the inside and the outside - everything is part of the same Consciousness, which had no beginning and will have no end. In this understanding, I find a peace that I've been searching for since my childhood and adolescence. But almost 50 years have passed to be here, now, present and aware.
The realisation of non-duality brings a profound and subtle transformation to my interpersonal relationships, as if a veil that once separated people is lifted, revealing a more essential and true connection. However, this change generally doesn't occur abruptly or dramatically, but rather as a gradual understanding, which gradually creeps into each interaction with my surroundings.
Before, my relationships were marked by a sense of distance, as if the other person and I were isolated islands, separated by an ocean of misunderstood differences and mutual expectations. I always felt a constant search for validation, for recognition, for love. Every encounter was, to a certain extent, an attempt to fill a void that I believed existed within me: ‘Maybe it's now, with this person, or in this situation?’
But with the realisation of non-duality, this emptiness revealed itself as an illusion. It's not there, because there was never any separation. The other is not someone distant from me, but an extension of the same Consciousness that dwells in me and in everything that exists. It's like opening a door that leads inwards.
This doesn't mean that my relationships will become perfect or conflict-free. On the contrary, challenges continue to arise, as we are all immersed in a world of apparent dualities, where differences and misunderstandings are inevitable, especially in times of polarization such as we are experiencing.
The difference lies in the way these challenges are perceived and faced. I no longer see the other person as an opponent, someone who is against me, a competitor (so common in corporate relationships), but as a mirror that reflects aspects of myself that still need to be understood and integrated. Each conflict becomes an opportunity for self-knowledge and the expansion of consciousness.
Empathy, previously limited by mental and emotional barriers, by my history, beliefs and values, flows more naturally and spontaneously. When I realise that the other person is myself in another form, compassion arises effortlessly. Without rigid judgements or unrealistic expectations. Each person is seen in their entirety, with their lights and shadows, and this allows for a deeper and more genuine acceptance. Not that I ignore hostile or harmful behaviour, or become passive in the face of attitudes that cause harm, whatever it may be, but the way I deal with it becomes more sensitive and less reactive. Very different from how I've always acted (sometimes I still do, but less often when I direct my attention to my heart and try to see the world from there, a gesture I learnt from some of the Dzogchen sages).
My relationships have also become lighter, less loaded with need and dependency. When I realise that nothing is missing in me, that I am already complete in my essence, I stop looking to others for what I believe I don't have.
However, this new perspective also brings challenges. Taking part in the social game in a world that still operates under the illusion of separation can be challenging. I often find myself in situations where conventional expectations of relationships conflict with my deeper understanding. How do I act when the other person is still trapped in patterns of dependency, control or manipulation? How do I maintain authenticity without hurting or alienating those who are still searching for their true nature? These are questions that keep coming up, and the answers are not always clear.
What I have learnt, however, is that non-duality is not an excuse for isolation or indifference. On the contrary, it invites me to be whole, to be fully present in every relationship, to engage with the world in a loving and compassionate way, without losing sight of the deeper truth that unites us.
